


An Apple A Day

by Elliot Keenan (ElGallifrey)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 16:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElGallifrey/pseuds/Elliot%20Keenan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David Fischer would eat nothing but apples.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Apple A Day

David Fischer would eat nothing but apples.

Yes, for three weeks he consumed solely apples and nothing else. This particular course of action was on the advice of his doctor, Doctor Mackerson, who had told him to add more fruit to his diet. To prevent scurvy, you know. Fischer didn't know oranges were best for that, but he took it to heart. Why spend money fixing his health when he could prevent it from becoming broken in the first place?

After he decided to start eating apples, Fischer started washing his hands every fifteen minutes. It had to be fifteen minutes exactly. To achieve this, he set an oven timer in each room of his house, working backwards from the bathroom so that he would be on time.

Soon Fischer stopped leaving his house. There were too many germs out in the other world. Nobody went out, and nobody came in, either. Eventually Fischer's safe area began to shrink, and by the third week of his apple binge he had locked himself in the upstairs bathroom. There he remained for three days, sitting there, his head against the cold tile as he slept at night. Against the wall, piles of red delicious apples, shiny with wax, were stacked neatly into perfect pyramids. 

Finally, Fischer's sister Catherine, concerned with his lack of contact, came barging into his fortress. "Come on," she said, banging against the bathroom door; "I'm taking you to a doctor."

Fischer flung the door open and cried, "No! I won't go! I've done everything! What could I possibly need a doctor for?"

"An apple a day," quipped Catherine. "One apple, David. Look at you!"

He had lost thirty pounds and his skin was a disconcerting shade of apple-flesh yellow. "I'm fine," he said.

"No way. Look, David – I'm taking you to a psychiatrist."

"But that's for crazy people!"

His sister did not respond, but pulled him – he was too weak to resist her – through the house and into the car. A fat tear clung to the corner of his eye, then began to roll down his face. By the time the car door slammed shut, the fully grown man was heaving sobs. An apple a day had spared him no pain. Those doctors – they could never make up their minds!


End file.
